Monday, March 5, 2012

I feel so conflicted. In my heart of hearts, I really love the gospel a great deal. But I really hate living in the church. So I keep thinking maybe if I just held on a little longer, or if I were to pray a little harder. Maybe things would turn around. At the same time I hate my life in the church. I hate having a lack luster social life. I dislike my insincere roommate.

I just keep looking for a way out. I don't like how my life is at the moment. I find no joy living inside the church. I'm miserable.

In my entire life, I've never resented the church as much as I do now. It really break my heart that it has come to this.
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1 comments:

Brian said...

Sometimes if you are gay or lesbian, you need a break from the church (or religion in general). So take it. You still have your Heavenly Father. The gospel and the church are not necessarily the same -- the church is the earthly vehicle through which imperfect humans (leaders & members) try to live out the gospel as best they think they understand it. They are not always right, and the current atmosphere in the church can be toxic for gays & lesbians as they try to find their own feet. The church will not fall apart if you do this, nor will you. There is life outside of the church, and you CAN be happy, in love, and partnered with someone who really loves you and is faithful. Be happy in THIS life! Just because you step outside the church for a day, a few weeks or months, years, or permanently does not mean that God will leave you, or that you will be miserable and alone as an out gay man. That's what we've been told. But it's not true. I can bear witness to that. Whatever your personally decide, just know that you deserve better!

March 6, 2012 12:17 AM

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