I hung out with my most favorite SSA male friend today. I haven't seen him in a really long time. He is always so nice to me and never once has he been judgmental of me. He gave me some amazing words of advice today. Which got me to stop feeling so crap about myself. This man is a real blessing to me. And to top it off, he is so darn handsome. He is perfect...haha.

With the great advice that I've been given, I would like to think and hope all the drama and depression of the last 2 weeks can now end.

I'm so ANGRY at everything!

Life is has so crappy the last couple of weeks. I've been so depressed. It got so bad yesterday that I just felt so overwhelmed by it. It was easily one of the worst days I've had in a while. It seemed like utter despair.

Then in a blink of an eye, it all changed. Today was great! I had lunch with a very handsome guy OSA guy from my ward. If I knew how to spend more time with him I would. He really is so dreamy. I really enjoy his company. Tonight I went out to eat with another OSA guy. It was nice to watch him and his girlfriend interact. He is really nice to me too, so that made me feel real good.

Earlier today I wrote an email to another OSA guy that I know very well. I was telling him about how depressed I've been feeling lately. He wrote back tonight, with his thoughts, saying he will call me tomorrow night and catch up, he then ended the email with 'love you buddy'. To see those words from him was huge. It made me feel like a million bucks.

I don't understand how I can have a nightmarish day then have the following day be like a dream.

Goal:
1. Fix relationships with men.
2. Then move on to women.
3. Live happily after.

So yesterday didn't turn out as crazy as I thought. It was quite a pleasant day. Today a new dilemma popped into my mind. I've been out of town for enough weekends now that I've lost touch with the OSA people in my ward. I know I should reach out to see what they are doing, but there is a part of me that just can't be bothered.

Something is wrong with me. And I don't like it.

Now I'm feeling depressed. As much as it shames me to admit it.

The next logical step is to act out so I can escape from this hell, even though I don't really feel like acting out. Oh dear.

Now I'm feeling depressed. As much as it shames me to admit it.