Mr Paul_Walker on this month's Men's Health is smoking hot.

Two more ssa people got banned from my life, due to their inability to reply to me. This time instead of deleting their contact details, I amended them with the suffix of "DNC" before their name. Meaning "Do Not Call". Soon life as I know it might seem like I've never met any ssa people.

Meanwhile, I made a new friend today. He is so cute.

While I was browsing the status updates on facebook this morning, I noticed a ssa friend commenting on someone's status update. I think to myself that I have no idea who this other person is, so why would facebook point this out? So I dig a little deeper to see who this person is. In deed I have no idea who this man is, but we have 4 friends in common and 3 out of 4 I know for a fact are ssa. Not going to lie, he is a handsome dude, and lives out in LA, which is no where near where I live. He looks straight in some photos, and in others there looks to be a hint of gayness....hmmm.

Likely our paths will never cross. And I'm okay with that. I like life just fine that way it is.

Why do some SSA men talk so much like women? Not in tone, but rather in words chosen. It really bugs me a lot. It is just not manly. Not going to lie, I like man to be manly.

Last Friday, I sort of noticed that my jeans were sort of looser on me. Meaning that I was losing weight, even though I wasn't trying. Then I had a depressing weekend where I just sort of felt bad because I was so addicted to p&m. And so I just ate like crazy all weekend. So I guess the weight I lost might be coming back...haha.

P&M is holding me back from progress. I'm forever stuck if I remain a slave to P&M. In recent months my will power to stop has just vanished. It really has been a few years since it was last this bad. Although I sort of had an epiphany the other day. Just as my failed relationships with other SSA guys was keeping me in a bad place emotionally, p&m was holding back me in a bad place emotionally too. If I could delete p&m out of my address book, I would. Since that is not possible, the next best thing is think of p&m as something just down right evil, and not good for me. Which is not that dissimilar to how I felt about some SSA men. I wonder how this new shift in paradigm will last, and how effective it might be. Only time will tell I guess.

I had someone that I deleted from my address book txt me the other day saying hi. Since I had no idea who this person was anymore, I replied and ask who it was? I got no response back. So the next day I went ahead and deleted the txt message.

Sad to say, but I really can't help but 'feel' that my general perception of other ssa men are that they have personalities that are just down right evil. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. Obviously this is just a sweeping statement, and there are a small number of ssa men that I am very fond of. What's weird about my feelings is that a lot of things I do are the opposite of text book answers of how I as a ssa men should act and feel. For example, I trust straight men, and don't trust gay men. I have a reasonably easy time making friends with straight men, and I have had difficult cultivating friendships with gay men. It is a little strange for me to feel that there are people who live near by who are like me, but they are not available for me to tap as a resource. Maybe it is for the best, when I moved to my new home last year, I had a fear that I would be sucked into the 'gay ghetto' that was near by and my life would only revolve those people. A lot of these people don't really have straight friends, which I think is not at all healthy.

Now that ssa men are mostly out of my life, I'm making some good progress in cementing some healthy straight male friendships in my newish town. Friday night, one friend took me snowboarding and spent time helping me develop my skills some more. On Saturday a different friend spent part of the day hanging out with me, we played table tennis, pool, and he gave me a quick lesson on how to play golf, with the promise that he will take me to the golf course in the summer. On Sunday night I had a different friend invite me to watch the superbowl with him and his family. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to the gym tomorrow with a different straight friend. I feel good that there are a bunch of different straight men that I can spend time with.

The conclusion I've drawn from writing this lengthy post, is that I am bitter about the experience of feeling rejected by the ssa men that I've met in recent times. Hopefully venting on my blog will help me get over it and just move on with my life.

One fun thing about going snowboarding is that there are so many hot guys there. It really is a sight for sore eyes.

It's been interesting to reflect back on life for the last couple of months. December and January were tough months for me. During those times, I often felt depressed and was very unsure of myself. Usually I am a workaholic, to not work was very difficult for me. During those two months, work was just far away from my mind. I did the absolute bare minimum, and if others weren't depending on me, I would have done even less.

In recent weeks I found a stability that I haven't felt in a while. Life just seems normal again. My interest in working is starting to return. And I feel everyday I'm one step closer to my idealized self. That is a good thing.